Quite the contrary. I have no answers. Sure, I have lots of suggestions, but nothing concrete that says, "THIS, this is what God is doing", then off to the new adventure.
To be honest, I have been doing the very thing I was trying not to do.
Binge watching Castle.
I can't help it. I really like the show, and face it...it is hard to hate the characters. I love them all. I just have to remember they are fictional.
I have also been frustrated. I feel like I am being held hostage. Thankfully, not by a person, but by physical pain. What I thought was managing before, my back pain has become constant lately and difficult to ignore. It isn't something I like to talk about. It makes me uncomfortable to discuss at large. However, it has been something that has got me thinking...
A few weeks ago, our Pastor did a sermon on John 5:1-15.
The scriptures say there was a pool that was surrounded by porches. On these porches were people dealing with physical ailments of all sorts. This pool would be stirred up miraculously once in awhile, and the first person dipped in the pool when that happened would be healed.
Jesus came to a man who had been on the porch for 38 years. Years of debilitating disease left him unable to walk or carry himself to the water. Whatever the cause of his disease, I am positive he felt days of hopelessness and despair. I am sure that he longed for the feeling of pain to release him. I am sure he wanted to spend his days differently than what they had become.
Jesus approached the man and simply asked, "do you want to be made well?" I know the kind of hope Jesus brings. I know the power his touch has on people. This man had no idea who he was. I can tell you, though, it doesn't matter if I know and this man did't. Our answers are often the same...
Verse 7; "Sir," the invalid replied, "I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down before me."
Basically, he says he does, but how? "The healing has already been given to someone else before I even get a chance. I have tried and I can't do it. I will never be healed. What hope is there for me?"
I am sure there have been times you might respond the same way, right? We get wrapped up in thinking any healing is contingent on our own actions or abilities.
Jesus was of course asking him about not just physically, but spiritually. Did this man want to be done with the past and move forward? After all Jesus came to heal and to save the lost.
I, too, want to be made well. Wouldn't you? If the pain of the physical could be gone in a simple command from Christ, "PICK UP YOUR MAT AND WALK," wouldn't you long for that?
This man didn't even know what he was missing. I want to believe that when he heard the Savior's voice, the man left up without argument or hesistation. I know I would.
Honestly I have never really considered that Christ would heal my physical. I know he can and he does for others. I think he could and would it that was part of his plan. I want to believe He would for me. I want to.
I also believe that sometimes our physical limitations are ways that God can use us that he wouldn't otherwise be able without them.
God can do whatever, whenever, and however He sees fit to accomplish the purpose of showing his power. It is for His glory on display that He uses us where we are to be his vessels.
I do want to be made physically well. I would love to have a life that isn't clouded with pain of any sort, to be strong and energetic to conquer God's purpose for my life.
But more than physical, I want, crave and desperately need the spiritual wellness. I have to choose daily that desire and make it as important as the cup of coffee I "need" to get going.
I am seeing more and more that this season was purposeful. I need this. I don't have to like it and I don't have to stay forever, but I need to be here for now. I need glean from God the healing he has for me in the places I need it most. His mercies are new every morning. His promises are the salve I want to apply on my wounds.
Shouldn't we all want that?