Yes, you read that right.
Life seems to be rapidly changing all around me. My kids are growing and less in need of my constant attention. My husband is busy with advancing his career and involving himself in groups that support his hobbies.
Then there is me.
Amid all the hustle and bustle of our house, I sense my role reduced to just a chauffeur as needed and general house maid. I am still needed, but not in the same ways I have always known.
I was talking with a friend last week about this stage of my life. It seems to me that moms often feel the effects of an empty nest long before the kids leave home.
My kids aren't completely self sufficient, but they are just enough to not need me in the same way they always did before. I am here to make sure dinner is done, someone cheers for them at the games, but I don't do much for them like I did when they were little. This is what we train our kids to do, right?
My son is most of the way through his freshman year at college. At the same time he is completing his senior year in high school. (He participates in a special program our state offers allowing kids to do both college and high school their junior and senior year of high school.) This year has been a challenge. With changes that were forced on us, plus the changes that a young man goes through in gaining independence, it has been hard for me to know where my place has been.
My daughter is still young, but her growing social life keeps us hopping all over between friends and church events. She has sports and hobbies too. She is at the stage in her life when she favors her dad over me as well.
Most days I am bored and lonely. Yep, that's right. Do I really need to wash the dishes, AGAIN?! I guess a load of laundry could be done. What about my hobbies?? I could write... yes. I could sew...certainly. I could read...wonderful! Do I?? Nope. The satisfaction I got when completing my homely duties or hobbies, it is just empty. I seem to wait around all day for everyone to come home. I miss being together and having family nights. Date nights seem to be scarce too.
I lamented to my husband about how I feel useless most days. Maybe I should get a job, or go back to school. What is my purpose? What am I even doing??
Last night, I mentioned again my frustration with the season of life I am in. I jokingly said that maybe I was experiencing a mid-life crisis. A place where I am redefining my goals and purpose, you could say.
My husband chimed in...
"Maybe. We would call it your mid-WIFE crisis."
Not sure what he meant by that. I laughed anyway.
I can tell you that I am searching for answers. I want God to tell me what I do now. I won't go crazy and buy new cars, get a man on the side or anything outrageous like that. I think the worst I might do is binge watch Castle every day and never get dressed.
In the meantime, I will trudge along. I will write, sew, read, wash dishes and do laundry. I don't begrudge those tasks...most days.
I don't know what the direction is for me or how long this will take. I do sense an urgency to wait...
Maybe you can relate. I hope there is someone else out there that does. We are in this together! I find encouragement from coffee or lunch with friends, girls' night, time spent in the Word and rest.
It could be time for a retreat. Refreshment with God on the mountain. Hmm...
**Scripture for today: